Just Because

My heart is racing today! I do not know what causes my heart to pound this way, abnormally fast, and my intuition tells me that there is something that is going to happen in the next few days. I however do not know if it is the anticipation of some greater things to come, perhaps challenges that I must face or some triumph that we must reap for a job well done, whatever may be the case, I know it will be an important event in my life.

I have always had these feelings of uncertainty that have always caused me to be irritable and uneasy. I sometimes just drown these brewing emotions within me by working continuously or watching cheesy cartoons or movies that does not even make sense to me, but just as long as it does the job of helping me forget, I will. It gets difficult sometimes to contain these emotions as most of the time, I feel that I am going to either burst or explode into tiny pieces, something that I would not want to happen as it more difficult to piece things together when they are literally thrown into a million places, most times, you just do not know where to start.

Just so I can hide the uneasiness, I do the best that I can to count my blessings and forget the painful memories and thoughts that incessantly disturbs my relatively normal thought processes of being thankful to God, having a happy family, contented with my work and overall, grateful for the kind of life that I now live. It does not even cause me to squirm for the effort that I manage to give to keep all of these priorities straight, but when this echoing of the ghosts that continuously haunt me in my sleep becomes persistent, there is nothing much that I can do but face them squarely, bravely and as strong as I can be.

Right now, there are so many emotions in me that are swirling that I barely can identify which is overpowering me, fear, anticipation and the overall feeling of doubt!

However, I do not and will not allow these feelings to put me down. I will fight them off as I have done so many times in the past with much prayer and taking everything one day at a time. No sense worrying like crazy for things that have not happened. God is good and He will be with me every step of the way.

I have a prayer in my head, always thankful of everything that comes my way. For the blessings and the gifts, for the trials and the challenges--these things all make me the person that I am.

I know that for as long as I have these moments where this overwhelming feeling of uncertainty is brewing within me, I also know that I have these moments to remind me that everything will be alright. God has given me these beautiful moments so that I may be able to overshadow the fear with His endless love and constantly reminds me that He is with me because I have these memories, these images of how He has blessed me and provided me with a place I can find comfort for my tired and weary heart. Just like today, I have them beside me, loving me for who I am and holding my hand as I feel weak and tired.

Tomorrow is another day, another chance to make a beautiful moment in the life that was so beautifully woven by God's hand for us to live.