Sometimes, I feel I am not allowed to say what I feel, give my opinion or shout out what I need to shout out. Maybe it is because I am so scared now of being judged as I have been in the not so remote past. I have downsized my friends list leaving only family and close friends, and yet, I feel so stigmatized by what has happened to me that even choosing to write this now makes me a little scared that I might be judged and called names again.

I never said I was perfect. I never said I did everything right. But in the length of the time that I shared my life, in the end, I was betrayed, called names and accused.

It is sad.

Too many people I trusted blindly because I had assumed that because of the so called personality development seminars I have heard and seen them go through, they would have embraced the NO JONES attitude, and yet, here I am unsure anymore who to trust and who to run to just for anything.

My heart breaks now each time I go back to where I have been and realize how I have been had, how my vulnerability was taken advantaged of. I sometimes now say to myself, I am going to be more ruthless. I am going to... I have to.