I just have to let it out. Otherwise, I'd be as pissed and as bitter as those who choose to be angry and dissatisfied. Well, I choose to vent, say what I feel and then let go.
Surrounded by negativity, do I choose to go with the flow or just embrace the fact that there is a silver lining in the clouds?
A person cannot accept mistake, another who believes that she is better than the rest of the world, and yet another who feels that just because a correction was made makes her or him deprived him or her of his right to do as he or she pleases? These are just a few of what I have read, felt and seen that seems to be attacking me today. It is simply not paranoia, but at one point in my life, I was the person who cannot accept my mistakes, that I believed that I was better than the rest of the world and that when I was corrected, I felt my freedom curtailed. At one point in time, I was all three and yes, I know how it feels to be judged and misjudged.
Letting go did not mean however that I allowed these things to consume me in anger and disturb my own beliefs. In those moments when I felt that I was at the other side of what we believe is right, I felt as though I could do nothing right, that I was not worthy. And yes, it is my right to feel that way, but it is also my right to rise above these feelings and see what is right in front of me.
A mistake allows me to see that I can do better. Being wrong told me that I could be right too, in the right time and with the right purpose. When a correction was made, it was my opportunity to change how I used to do things because my old ways were no longer applicable. But to do this, I had to stand my ground and allow these things to happen so that I could see where I could improve. No one lives by anybody's expectations, but his or her own, but there is nothing wrong and listening to the reasons why what we do now is no longer acceptable.
I have learned through my experience of others that I cannot make them see it my way if I do not allow them to let me see their way. And yes, they may be angry and resentful now, I would too, but my hope is that they see that we are bound by rules that allows us to function in a relationship that takes accountability and responsibility to heart.
I have seen the silver lining in the clouds. I have seen the real colors of those that surround me. I see my color when I am hurt with the hope that they see it too. I am not perfect, no one of us are. When we feel and think that we know all the answers to life's ultimate questions, then what is the point of living? I cannot hope for people when they have lost their own capacity to hope and dream. I cannot love others who cannot love themselves. I cannot show patience for those who cannot stay in one place. I cannot see a future when they only see regret.
My truth may not necessarily be their truth, but by God, I pray they see their truth so they do not live believing that all of life's lessons can be given to them served on a silver platter.
At the end of the day, I live with a clear conscience, I have not judged as they have judged me. I have not set expectations of them as they have made of me. I am what I believe is right and true. I can only only give what I have.
I now let go... I now let God...
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