One small victory, one day at a time...

So the judgment has been passed. I have lost my cause. I wave the white flag in defeat.

Isn't it ironic how I go through life believing that I am a celebration of God's love. As I have learned, just because I have declared it does not necessarily mean that God wants me to celebrate, He is throwing at me ways in which I find celebration in and that's what I must do. I will not allow other people to dictate how I should feel, I will choose how I should feel.

I do not need people reassuring me that I am right. I feel in my heart, I am. I do not need people surrounding me and glorifying me or sympathizing or empathizing with what I feel. At the end of the day, it's going to be me who will go through how I have lived the life I was entrusted to live. The number of friends surrounding me and rooting for me is not as important as me cheering on for myself that I can take on whatever life offers me. The number of friends who believe me are but relationships that were given to me know that I am not alone, but their truths will never be the same as mine as they go through their own personal battles. I go through my own with faith in my heart that I can survive my challenges as they will for as long as the intentions are true and genuine.

I will not look for proof to make people see that I am right, I can only have my own truths and my own values to stand up for. The proof is right before my eyes, I have myself and my integrity, I can say, I will win one small victory one day at a time.

Given the choice to hate, I choose to love from a distance. I choose to be humbled by a loss, but with a lesson learned. Another minute wasted on despair is another missed opportunity to be great. I choose to be great. I choose to live my life with dignity and with integrity. I know my truths, I stand on my values. I care about who I am and what I stand for to see that resentment can only hurt me more than it will hurt those who continue to torment me. I am responsible with what I do to my own life and I choose to bless those who continue to point blaming fingers at me. I love the life I live and I choose to celebrate my life with love and the anticipation of another battle won tomorrow. God knows what is best for me and I allow Him to take me by the hand to show me what I must learn. I know that learning entails me being hurt, shedding a tear or two and accepting my own mistakes, but I choose not to despair because it is my birth right to be happy and successful.

The judgment has been passed. I have lost my cause. I wave the white flag in defeat for now as I see another opportunity to learn and stand up again. I see myself taking one small step at a time. I see myself standing up again with integrity and with dignity. I see myself winning one small victory at a time. I see myself alive and forgiving.

The judgement has been passed. I have lost my cause, but every defeat is an opportunity to rise again. In my case, my battle was not won in blood shed, I am still alive. My ego hurt, my heart bleeding. But I can heal myself. I can move on again and I choose to do that today, right at this very moment.

The judgement has been passed. It was human judgment. But God is the ultimate Judge. In the eyes of man, I caused much pain. In the laws of man, I have hurt others. But God is not blind, God is not deaf. God knows better and I know that the ultimate judgement will still be passed, not today, not right now.

The judgement is God's to pass.

The judgement is still to come.

Today, I have won my own personal battle. Today, I realized I was unfair to myself for believing myself weak and to be blamed. Today, I win against my own self in a battle that allowed me to feel this pain and this hurt. I choose not to be hurt. I choose not to inflict myself of any more pain. I choose to love. I choose to be happy.

This is my victory today.