She sat dumbfounded as she read the text message that said, "The ruling is in their favor. They are going to be awarded at least a hundred thousand each."
Instead of being angry, she suddenly felt this sadness, not for herself but to that person who now may just be celebrating her victory. In today's time, a hundred thousand meant a second-hand model car or even a down payment for a house. She must really be celebrating now!
In her head, a voice told her, maybe she deserves it. Maybe she needs it.
Walking with leaden feet, what would normally take her five minutes to walk seemed like forever. The road seemed like a labyrinth. She just simply felt lost, but being lost gave her some sense of comfort. It was as if every stranger that looked at her offered more warmth and understanding. She did not feel ignored even though she was walking among throngs of nameless faces she has never seen all her life. But the mere presence of these people walking past her, giving her a nod or just looking at her warmed her and made her realize, she was not alone.
Her heart wondered why she could no longer cry, why she kept saying to herself, "I no longer want to be angry." No tears, not a single tear. She kept repeating to herself, "Is this all worth it for her? Why am I feeling sorry for her when in fact, I had all the reason to be mad and cry out vengeance?"
At the end of what seemed to be an endless walk, she stopped and saw the person who was holding her hand. He had been there all along too. While strangers comforted her, he was there cradling her because he knew her pain. This lifted her spirits. She knew she would see more signs that God had not forsaken her. That her cause did not die in vain.
What is a family's worth? Is the hundred thousand worth losing a sister, a brother, a father and a mother and other relationships? Is the hundred thousand worth it to say that you are right? Is the hundred thousand worth convincing yourself that you were disowned? Was the hundred thousand enough to compensate for a family that is now broken?
They say, the easiest way to understand your adversary is to stand in his or her shoes and not a moment too soon, she realized it was a pair of shoes she did not want to be in. She could easily give that hundred thousand to her for as long as she could keep her life the way it is--a loving family, intelligent kids who listened, an extended family that cared and more importantly, she still had in herself her integrity. She still has in her heart love to give. She still had in her heart comfort to offer those who sought it. That is priceless. She may have to give away that hundred thousand to her but with the hope that she might be able to use it to buy her own happiness.
As for her, she knew her happiness can never be equated with any amount of money in the world.
Her memories of her now will only be fond memories. She will forget all of these hurt and all of these sadness that she has brought upon her for more than a year now. She has said what needed to be said, did what needed to be done. She has forgiven her.
To lose your relationships for a hundred thousand, is it all worth it?
She could only pray for her now. May it be enough for her to buy her happiness.
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